I have a few things stuck in my heart and I want to try to get them out here tonight. Please be patient with me as I don't think I am good at putting my feelings to the right words.



Ok first I want to say, my avatar represents Sister Shirely's hands, I miss you and I thank you so much for teaching me and speaking into my life about prayer and the Lord.



I am struggling with my prayer time and devotional time. I do not want to get into some kind of ritual of read this, say that prayer, and then be still for 10 minutes routine. But at the same time I seem to get so distracted so easily, that I read for a few days then nothing.....



Music has always been a way for me to feel connected. In 1996 I came to understand who God was and got "saved" that year. In 1998, it felt like that worst year of my life, so many things happened, most of them bad. There were many dark valley's, music helped me to connect with God in a way I could understand and make sense of my groans and utterances. That was the year I bought my Thompson Chain Reference Bible and a lot of music that was new to me. One important, well worn I might add, is my Keith Green cassett and CD. So tonight as I was reading a friends blog, one song in particular was playing in my head, "To Obey Is Better Thank Sacrifice." Now I am pondering who he was, who I am, and who God is.



These are the lyrics to the song I just mentioned:

To obey is better than sacrifice

I don't need your money, I want your life

And I hear you say that I'm coming back soon

But you act like I'll never return

Well you speak of grace and my love so sweet

How you thrive on milk, but reject My meat

And I can't help weeping of how it will be

If you keep on ignoring My words

Well you pray to prosper and succeed

But your flesh is something I just can't feed

To obey is better than sacrifice

I want more than Sunday and Wednesday nights

Cause if you can't come to Me every day

Then don't bother coming at all

La,la,la............

To obey is better than sacrifice

I want hearts of fire, Not your prayers of ice

And I'm coming quickly

To give back to you

According to what you have done

According to what you have done

According to what you have done





This is not some kind of legalistic demand, to me this is why I am struggling. I recently read some of what Melody Green said about when Keith was writing this song and how strongly he felt about keeping the phrase "then dont bother coming at all" in the song. It was to stress how much we abuse and misuse God's grace. He said "It's dangerous to say: God's grace is there so I can disobey, or sin and come back to God whenever I want to." Like in Romans 6. He saw people around him ruining their lives, hurting themselves, who said they wanted God in their lives but were unwilling to serve Him. I attend and love my church, I work there, I live there, I worship there. I am questioning if I am just there all the time so I am ok? Is that a truth that the enemy is using to distort my thinking? Perhaps.



There is a part of me that is still healing from some hurts. I will be helping to facilitate the Overcomers meeting this year on Sunday nights starting in September, this will help me to continue healing in these areas of my life.



I pray that the Lord will take this stuff that seems to be stuck in my heart and clear my head so that I can do what He wants me to do.



I am going to end this now and going to read some. I thank my sister's that are encouraging me, by words and by how I am able to watch them walk through storms, stumbling, and getting back up and walking on. Thank you Papa Tate for being with us during this time and pouring into us what the Lord had given you to pour into our lives. I will miss you and pray things go well for you. PD I love you and have missed you, I pray you are refreshed and renewed while you were on sabattical. I hope you see something different in me when you come back in a few weeks. And finally thank you Robert for getting something to click in my head that cuased me to want to write tonight, instead of trying to make things "happen" in the world of FB.